Before Forever
by Hidden Tala
Summary: Prequel to "Now and Forever": Eriol Hiiragizawa dared to fight fate. And he got the only thing he never wanted: Tomoyo Daidouji.
1. Tomoyo Daidouji

**Disclaimer: **The following work(s) is fictitious in nature; no profit is being made. CardCaptor Sakura is owned by CLAMP, so all rights belong to them. I am just a girl with an overactive imagination and a story to tell.

**Author's Notes: **This story is a prequel to my other story called "Now and Forever" (which some of you may have read before). This has been on the back-burner for quite some time and I decided to take it up for the reason that I couldn't finish **NaF** without this one. It is inevitable to find inconsistencies with the two stories that is why I'm putting **NaF** to an indefinite hiatus (I know I haven't been updating for awhile, but don't be snarky with me). I will have a major revamping later when this is done.

So to the followers of "Now and Forever", this is my treat for you. It has been years since I wrote **NaF** and I have grown in ways more than one. So I have to ask for your understanding if even my writing has changed. Despite that, I still hope that you'll enjoy this. And thank you for still waiting for "Now and Forever". Enjoy reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Before Forever<strong>  
>by Hidden Tala<p>

* * *

><p><em>April<em>

She couldn't pinpoint the exact her moment her life had changed.

It's been two weeks since classes started. Two weeks since the opening ceremony. Two weeks since she had given that speech.

She had considered that it might have started going downhill from there. She wasn't supposed to give that speech; she had been ranked only as second in the entrance exams. But the Admissions Office called her three days before the opening of classes requesting her to represent the class of 2006. Apparently, the person who had gotten the highest score couldn't attend the opening ceremony on the 1st. And as second best, she was the next bet for the speech.

Looking back now, she thought if that person had showed up at that time, things would have been different. Maybe Matsuhiro Nobuyuki-sempai wouldn't have taken notice of her. And then she wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of turning him down.

She tried her hardest not to let it get to her. She even put up a strong front so Sakura-chan and Li-kun won't get worried. It is fortunate that she was the only person in their group to be placed in section 1. The others were scattered in sections 2 to 10 depending on their entrance scores; Sakura and Syaoran were put together in section 2.

She was grateful that Sakura-chan and Li-kun were too busy being in love with each other. Because if they knew what she was going through, they'd jump straight to her offender's throat and all bad things will have sprung from there. Then her conscience wouldn't let her sleep knowing her friends got in trouble because of her.

Then, a week later, something extraordinary happened. No one, not even Sakura and Syaoran with their magical abilities, were able to see this coming.

He arrived when the bullying had started to escalate.

.o.

She had never been close with Eriol Hiiragizawa.

She couldn't even remember exchanging two sentences with him the first time he stayed in Japan. But he intrigued her immensely. She thought it was because Sakura-chan obtained her magical abilities from him. But she realized, magic wasn't all there is to it.

He was an interesting person to begin with. He's intelligent, nice, and kind, and yet there's something mysteriously dark about him.

She was reminded of that yet again when he entered class 1-1, a week after classes started, looking unlike the boy in her childhood. What once was covered with thick lenses, his dark blue eyes are naked and molten with dangerous intensity. She could have sworn he almost looked angry. He has grown over five-foot-ten, making him one of the tallest guys in their class. The baby fats on his cheeks were no more which emphasized his angular jaws and high cheekbones. To put it in a simpler term, he turned out to be a total catch. The hearts and stars shining on each girl's eyes is proof of that.

It seems his appearance was not the only thing that changed about him. It was as if that darker side had completely taken over his being.

"Something isn't right about Eriol-kun," Sakura told her when they met under the cherry blossom tree. The couple had cornered Clow's reincarnation before she could get out of class because she had to watch out for Nobuyuki-sempai's rabid fan girls. "He's not himself right now. Do you think a bad spirit possessed his body, Syaoran-kun?"

The Chinese boy scoffed but his eyes followed the departing figure of Eriol Hiiragizawa. "That's who he really is. He had the whole school put under the spell before because he wanted you to do something for him. Now he's just showing his true colors, what an assh—"

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura swatted his arm.

"Ano," she started hesitantly, getting between the pair. "Could it be...could it be that Hiiragizawa-kun is in pain?"

.o.

He wouldn't speak with anyone.

Sometimes she thinks she just dreamed of him, getting inside that classroom wearing that intense look on his face. But she steals a look behind her and he's there.

Sometimes she thinks he knows what she's hiding.

It's not a secret in their class. Almost everyone knew she was being bullied because she had turned down Nobuyuki-sempai's offer to be his girlfriend. But when he arrived, she doubled the effort to try to appear normal. She didn't bat an eyelash when her things went missing. She only clenched her fists when she saw the threats and insulting messages in her textbooks. She didn't even care that she missed a meal; she just stayed at the rooftop, safe from Nobuyuki-sempai's lackeys.

But really...

He _had_ to know what she was going through.

But it seems he just doesn't care.

.o.

Then one day it happened.

.o.

"You got good at hiding, Daidouji," came a female voice from behind her. "But sorry to tell you. You're not that good enough."

She held on to the handrails, not trusting her legs to support her from standing. They had her surrounded. She was shaking so bad, her teeth were chattering. She had never known fear as she did now.

"You think you can hide from us?" Suddenly, another girl appeared before her wearing a cruel smirk. "You think your 'untouchable' status can save you from our wrath? Who the fuck do you think you are? How dare you treat Nobuyuki-sama that way?"

"Seems like the princess thinks she's better than the rest of us," said the girl on her side. "Won't you speak? I heard you were pretty famous at your junior high for your voice. I want to hear it. What do you think about pushing the princess over the ledge, minna?"

That girl, the one that seemed to be their leader, turned and shot her a chilling smile. "Scream for me, _ne_, Dai-dou-ji-_san_?"

_I am not going to die._

_I am not going to die._

_I am NOT going to die!_

Her hands loosened their hold on the handrails. And though her legs feel like they will give out any moment now, something eerily like resolve had taken over her.

She won't die. She refused to die because of something as trivial as this.

She clenched her fists at her side. She may not be physically inclined like Li-kun and Sakura-chan but she can run fast. And if they catch her, she has nails. She will catfight her way out of here. Getting hurt is only a matter of consequence.

"Mou, is that fire I see in your eyes, Daidouji-san?" taunted the leader. "Not quite the timid little girl, Nobuyuki-sama liked, ne? You think you can take us? You don't have your bodyguards with you now."

"I—I never wanted Nobuyuki-sempai to like me!"

Her eyes widened, surprised her mouth had worked on its own.

The ringleader eyes narrowed dangerously at her. Before she could even blink, the girl already closed their distance and a loud clap of skin touching skin reverberated through the rooftop. "You ungrateful bitch! You think you're so great? You think—"

_BAAAAM!_

Her enemies turned to the source of the loud noise. And then she heard simultaneous gasps around her.

Why wouldn't they? The only entrance to the rooftop had been destroyed. And their hero, Matsuhiro Noboyuki-sempai, was lying flat on the ground, attached to the door.

"Didn't I tell you to leave Tomoyo Daidouji alone?"

A furious looking Eriol Hiiragizawa spoke from the newly-formed hole.

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><p><strong>PS:<strong> I am in dire need of a beta-reader. I'm problematic at tenses so that's my main concern. But if you're also good at descriptions and plot development, I'll love you for life! So if anyone's interested, drop me a comment or email me (you can find it on my profile). Thanks for reading! And don't forget to review!


	2. Eriol Hiiragizawa

**Before Forever  
><strong>by Hidden Tala

* * *

><p><em>December<em>

He found himself again in the realm of dreams, the only place where his former self had complete control, had the power to hold him captive. It is where truths and half-truths meet. There are no lies, only realities waiting to be explored, covered in dust and in mist.

"This is the third time this month," he told the darkened figure who was wearing that irritating grin he'd seen on his own face before. "Why do you keep bringing me here, Clow? What is this all about? I have done what you told me to do—I helped Sakura-san turn the cards to her own. My task is completed. Let me live my life."

Clow Reed held out his right arm and a golden staff materialized out of thin air.

Snow began to fall and a sad lullaby played in the air.

His former self had shed the Cheshire grin and a sentimental sigh escaped his lips. Clow lifted his eyes and turned his gaze towards his reincarnation. When he spoke, it sounded like thunder and falling snow.

_Do you ever wonder why I let myself be born again, Eriol Hiiragizawa?_

Eriol stilled, surprised that his former self had spoken to him. In the sixteen years he existed, the man never uttered a word, only offered a beseeching look, a pointing finger, and that irritating smile. He found it ironic that Clow would rather talk to Sakura than the newer version of himself.

"You wanted an heir. And through Fujitaka, you had Sakura," he answered, knowing it was the truth. "But you split your soul in half. I was born and I had your powers and your memories, whereas Fujitaki did not. I was born so Sakura can turn our creations to Sakura cards."

Clow listened. And by the time he finished, his former self pierced him with penetrating stare.

_Why do you think you are here?_

It takes a lot to make him mad but being in the presence of the man he used to be...it made him surprisingly irritable. Now he knows why the sight of him makes Li Syaoran allergic.

"What—?"

He watched as Clow suddenly grew distant and had that faraway look in his eyes.

_Before I died, I had the future played before my eyes. I wasn't evil but I was still human. I had an iota of pride to spare—I wanted my legacy to live on. So I made sure everything falls in their proper places. I saw Yue-san and Cerberus taken care of and loved by the new Card Mistress. I was happy. I was ready to embrace my death. And then... _

Clow Reed's dark blue eyes flashed and Eriol nearly staggered at the profound longing he saw in them.

_I found her._

.o.

5:45 A.M.

Eriol Hiiragizawa woke up in a cold sweat.

.o.

_ January_

_She doesn't have a face._

_ She is all hair, all arms, all legs._

_ She is coloured gray._

_ She doesn't speak, only beckons him with her hand. And if he tries to reach her, grab her, she runs away._

_ Still, he follows her through the seasons._

_ Winter._

_ Spring._

_ Summer._

_ Fall._

. . .

_Time stills._

_His hand closes around her wrist._

. . .

I've got you.

.o.

_February_

He knew he's losing her.

He could see it in her eyes each time he wakes up from the dreams. She doesn't speak of it but he can read through her silence.

Sometimes he is tempted to ask if she knew about the woman who liked to play tag. If she _is_ that faceless woman that haunts him at night. But he decides against it immediately after thinking it.

Kaho Mizuki is not _her_.

With the way her hands shook and how her lips tremble when he gets out of the trance...

He knew she knows it too.

.o.

He had just returned from his morning walk, a bag of bread in his hand, when the scene before him stopped him in his tracks.

Two suitcases filed at the entrance of his home. Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun are looking at him with strange, sad eyes. Kaho had his passport waiting on the palm of her hand.

His world was falling part and all he could do was stare.

"You have to go."

That soft voice drew him out of his stupor. His fists clenched on his sides. His temper flared.

"What the hell is _this_?"

His guardians flinched at his bark; their Master hardly raises his voice. But Kaho had her head bowed down. "You have to go."

A dark aura emanated from his body. A disgusting show of power, he knew. But she had to know how furious she made him. "I am not Clow."

"You're Eriol." Kaho raised her head as she smiled through her tears. He felt gutted at once. "And the stars tell me you can't be here anymore."

He wanted to run to her, to hold her, so she would stop crying anymore. But her stance told him that if he did, he will regret it. So he remained where he was. "This is my home. This is where I found you," he rasped, pleading her to reconsider. "You are my choice. I love you. Let me stay."

"I _can't!_" she cried, finally crumbling to the ground. She looked at him with frantic eyes. "I saw the future. I know what it's like. If I don't let you go now, it will destroy us. It will destroy you. And you'll hate me for the rest of your life!"

"I can never hate you."

He tried to get closer to her but she held up a trembling hand, stopping him. "You don't know that! You haven't seen what I saw! I-I can't deprive you of that kind of happiness, Eriol. I just _can't_."

"But you are my happiness, Kaho."

Kaho sobbed at this, covering her ears with her hands. The guardians huddled closer to her. Nakuru took the woman in an embrace while Spinel picked up the fallen passport.

"Master, you have to leave now," Spinel Sun spoke in his panther form, handing Eriol his passport. "Please, Master. Go."

"I can't. She's—"

But Spinel Sun already hindered him from going forward. "You have to trust her. If this isn't the best for you, she wouldn't have chosen this path."

He knew that.

But what if it isn't the best for them?

.o.

_March_

He hasn't slept in days.

For the last two weeks, he had gone from one airport to another. From Heathrow to Dublin, to Vienna, then Paris. And he's currently lying on one row of the airport benches in Budapest, trying to get some sleep in the hopes of finding Clow there. His former self seemed to have been avoiding him. For what reason, he didn't know and didn't want to understand. He just wants to get this over with so could he go home and go back to Kaho. And Nakuru and Spinel.

"What the hell do you want?" He spoke aloud, covering his eyes with his arm. "She had me leave her for this. And now you wouldn't talk to me? What the _fuck_ do you want?"

_My, my, what terrible temper you have_, spoke a voice from within. _I don't remember being this grumpy before._

"That's because I'm not you," he said darkly. "This lifetime is my own. I do not exist so you could live through me, so you could be with that woman you put in my dreams. I already have someone I love. And when this is over I will come back to her. I'll marry her. Have children with her. I don't care whatever you say."

Clow remained mum at this.

Eriol began to worry that the sorcerer had decided to disappear again. But then he was sucked into the dark realm of dreams and in there he saw Clow bathed in moonlight.

_You are your own person. After all, you are named Eriol Hiiragizawa, aren't you? And not Clow Reed?_ Clow began, looking squarely into his eyes. _But you can't erase the fact that you are here because of me. I willed myself to be broken in half so you could live. I wouldn't go so far as to say that we are the same person since you are so adamant against it. And since it isn't true. I have my own passions, desires, greed, and pride. In the same vein, you have your own. But there are parts of me that exist inside you, parts I wish I could only keep for myself. But...it has already been written. She chose you. And you—"_

A low growl erupted from his throat. "Do not speak to me about predestination. I am free to do whatever the hell I want. And I choose her. I choose Kaho Mizuki."

Before he could even blink, Clow Reed had turned up before him, clutching him at the collar, dark blue orbs flashing dangerously. _You dare to fight fate, boy?_ _You think I'm the one who's giving you those dreams? You dream about her as I used to dream about her! Do you know why? Because she's yours just as much as she was mine!_

He pushed Clow off of him, shaken and at the same time incensed at the implications of what his other self had told him. "Who is she?"

Clow opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"Who the _fuck _is she?"

_Uram! Uram! Uram! (Sir! Sir! Sir!)_

His other self mouthed the words but he couldn't hear them. Music and a blaring noise in the background distracted him.

_Uram! Uram! Uram!_

Suddenly, he felt a pull. He was being sucked out from Clow's dimension. Agitated, he concentrated on staying. He had to stay. He had to hear what the goddamn bastard has to say. But the force was stronger than his will. And then, like a man drowning, he felt somebody pull him out of the water.

He shot up from his makeshift bed, a hand outstretched, heaving for air.

A middle-aged woman hovered over him, offering him a bottle of water.

"What—?"

He surveyed his surroundings. The waiting area was packed. And almost all of the waiting passengers are staring at him. Wide-eyed and fearsome.

"Beszél magyarul? Angolul? Na mivan jól vagy?" (Do you speak Hungarian? English? So are you all right?)

.o.

_April_

It took him nearly a month to get it right.

He circled Europe, crossed the seas to America, until he reached a dead end in Belize.

The woman appeared to him in dreams. She doesn't give chase anymore, as if she'd finally gotten tired of running. She just stood there, looking and waiting.

He moved towards her.

"Who are you?" he said, realizing this is the first time he's ever spoken to her. "Where are you?"

He watched as her fingers played with the tips of her hair. For a second there, he thought he'd lose her again. But she remained solid. Alive.

She surprised him with her next actions—she took an infinitesimal step closer to him. She reached out a hand but something blocked her. This seemed to anger her and yet she moved back, creating another distance between them.

But she spoke. And when she did, it sounded awfully like rain in the middle of summer.

_I am the woman of your dreams. I am where you have left me, where you always wanted to be. _

Thoughts flooded through his brain. About how she could have said something to him before. About the life he left so he can find her. About the anger that's bubbling inside him. "You're not Ka—"

But he was silenced by the look she gave him. Sad and utterly defeated. _If only...if you'd just listen, Hiiragizawa-kun. _

As if on cue, a gentle lullaby filled the air. He recognized it from somewhere, from long ago. And as the lullaby progressed, he was assaulted by the memory of his meeting with Clow, of a grand piano, and school uniforms.

His gut twisted and his knees weakened under him. "You know who I am."

Her reply was a soft whisper. _I've known you for awhile. _

"Why didn't you say anything?" he screamed, never caring that he was being callous.

But she was patient. Years and months of waiting had given her practice._ You didn't want to listen._

"Why start now?"

She stared, and suddenly her gray eyes turned lilac, her gray face turned flesh. _In two weeks, if you don't find me, I will die. _

.o.

At 3:23 AM, he checked himself out of the hotel, went straight to the airport, and booked a flight to Japan.

.o.

He's an idiot. A giant mountain of an idiot.

He had taken off his glasses, hoping his myopic eyes would dull her effect on him.

But he didn't need eyes to see her.

Sensing her presence, his heart had sped up triple than normal. The hairs on the back of his neck stood in anticipation. His hands shook on his sides. His whole being was attuned to her he could be where she was, if he willed it, in a blink of an eye.

He felt her gaze at him, her eyes full of unsuppressed wonder. As if she didn't know what he was here for. As if he didn't search the world so he can save her life.

He gritted his teeth. Angry doesn't even begin to describe what he's feeling.

And he stayed that way for days.

He even blew off Sakura and Syaoran when they tried to talk to him, curious if he was up to no good. Why wouldn't they be suspicious? With the stunt he pulled years ago, he wouldn't be surprised if he's on someone else's blacklist. But he's too pissed to care about his reputation.

And he's even more pissed that she's purposely hiding what trouble she's in.

He knew something was wrong with her the second day he turned up in class. It wasn't hard to figure out. Her books and her indoor shoes were a dead giveaway. But he had to know why. So he stopped and listened when a group of nerds passed him by, talking about the legendary Daidouji girl who turned down the most popular guy in Seijou.

One day, he found her at the shoe locker area when a gaggle of girls surrounded her.

He didn't think. He didn't even move. His golden staff just materialized out of thin air. And before his mind could even process it, he grasped for the staff.

Time stopped.

At a speed a normal human being couldn't see, he ran and he wedged himself betweenher and the other girls. He murmured an incantation and she disappeared to their classroom, her indoor shoes clean and undamaged.

He stomped the staff on the ground, time ebbed and flowed until it zeroed in on that moment. He watched as the girls came to their senses, shock and surprise registering on their faces. They were a hairsbreadth away from Daidouji and now there's a guy in her stead.

The look he gave them was ferocious. "Leave Tomoyo Daidouji alone."

The girls shared nervous looks at each other.

But one girl was brave enough to stand up to him. "You speak that way to your seniors, newbie? Sorry, but this isn't the States or wherever the hell you came from. You don't get to order us around. We own this school. We do whatever we want. And if we want Daidouji's blood, we'll get it!"

He never knew he was capable of so much violence until he heard those words.

Something inside him just _snapped_. And his body went on autopilot, his eyes seeing red. The next thing he knows, he had her pinned to the wall, his hand coiled around her neck.

He was not himself. His voice didn't even sound like his own. He sounded terrible. Feral—like a beast on the loose. "If you touch her, even a single strand of her hair, I will finish you. I won't stop at this lifetime. I'll follow you to the last of your incarnations and I swear it, I will kill you."

.o.

But his threats seemed to have held little promise.

Because in three days' time, they will witness his wrath.

.o.

_He is floating. He doesn't know where he is or when this is. But something told him it is somewhere between sleeping and awake._

_He notices Clow first, bent over a grand piano, eyes closed as he fingers the keys. What surprised him is that Clow is wearing normal clothes. Not his usual dark robes—that sad garb he brought with him in the after life. But an actual shirt and denim pants. _

_She is there too. She's sitting on the floor, looking up at Clow, as she sings to him an old lullaby._

"_Why am I here?" The sound bounces to walls. It echoes to infinity. "What am I here for?"_

_The music stops._

_Darkness fills the room._

_The ground shakes under his feet._

_He is falling._

_He is teetering on the edge._

_Then a hand grabs him from above._

_**Kaho Mizuki may have changed your world**__, a voice so similar and yet so different from Clow spoke through the blinding darkness. __**But you changed and destroyed worlds for **_**her**_**.**_

_Silence stretches miles and miles between them._

_**Don't you dare forget that.**_

.

.

.

.

.

He noticed her first.

The welt on her cheek and the fear in her eyes.

And he shook with uncontrollable fury, its intensity scorching the ground.

When he opened his mouth, it was the sound of a battle cry.

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO LEAVE TOMOYO DAIDOUJI ALONE?"

.

.

.

.

.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> Formatting is such a pain. I worked it on MSWord for _hours_ to create this dramatic ambiance I was rooting for but when I uploaded it, FF(dot)net won't allow me. Btw, the foreign language I used in the scene where Eriol was sleeping in the airport is called Magyar-the spoken language in Hungary. I did not make it up. I just researched about it on the net so I hope I didn't butcher the language. If anyone knows or speaks Hungarian, and found fault in my dialogue, drop me a message at the review section so I can correct it.

I'd also like to thank my reviewers for the first chapter: **Mau**, **violintantei-sama**, **Annonymous Amethyst**, **GrossGirl18**, **Taniya**, and **mimichan88**.

*Mau: MAUUUUU! 'Eto na! Hihihi :D  
>*<span>violintantei-sama<span>: Thanks a lot! I hope you like this chapter! It was fun to write! :)  
>*<span>Annonymous Amethyst<span>: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! When I read your review, I smiled like a fool and it lasted for the whole day! Thanks for the kind words and the warm welcome!  
>*<span>GrossGirl18<span>: Sorry if Eriol scared you! But don't worry, he's still blind without his glasses! He still has them! He'll wear them again! Thanks for reading!  
>*<span>Taniya<span>: Thanks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
>*<span>mimichan88<span>: Thanks for the warm welcome! Yes, Eriol is quite different in this story. But not that much. I'd even say Akira got his overprotectiveness from his father. You see, his character wasn't explored much in "Now and Forever" as it mainly focuses on the five children. But I hope this will shed some light on his motivations and his reasons for going back to Japan and leaving again.

**PS:** Nobody responded to my ad for being my beta. But I really _really_ need to have a beta! My tenses are killing me! Please, please, please, anyone? Have pity on me?


	3. But what is truth?

**Before Forever  
><strong>by Hidden Tala

* * *

><p>She closed her eyes, waiting for the blow to come to her.<p>

She's going to die. She's certain of it. She hasn't seen someone look so positively livid like he did. As if his insides were twisting and turning under his skin.

She took a shaky breath, waiting for him to seal her fate.

She's going to die and at the very hands of her saviour.

Just because she couldn't get her mouth shut.

But the blow didn't come. She reluctantly opened her eyes and found him, looking at her, looking shattered.

"Stop it, Hiiragizawa-kun!" she had screamed earlier, violent sobs wracking her frail body. "Please stop! Please don't hurt them! Y-You don't have to turn into someone you're not because of me! Because I... I... _I'm not worth it!_"

The dark aura surrounding him diminished. The thick and ominous air around them fizzled out. And all this while he had fixed a stunned gaze on her.

"Please," she had entreated, covering the others with her own body. "I am not as hopeless as you think I am. I can handle this on my own."

The moment she said that, his face had contorted into an angry snarl. He looked absolutely malevolent she was so sure he'd do something.

But nothing came.

She watched as he took a step closer to her, went past her defenceless body to the suddenly unconscious girls on the ground. He prostrated himself, muttered incomprehensible words on their bodies.

"W-What are you doing?" she asked him in a faint whisper.

He stiffened at the sound of her voice. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm healing them and erasing their memories."

She flinched at his cold reply. But she had to be sure. "W-Won't it harm them? When you...when you erase someone's memory, won't it affect them mentally?"

He looked at her, disbelief reflecting on his face. "Why should it matter? Weren't they the ones who gave you that bruise on your cheek? Weren't they the people who had the intention to get rid of you just because of that worthless fool kissing the floor?"

She jerked her attention to the boy lying face flat on the ground. "I don't... I... It doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter?" And he was suddenly before her, his shaking fists on his sides. "You _were_ going to die!"

His pronouncement terrified her. It was so definite. He was so sure of it. But she held up a brave face. "But I'm alive, aren't I? I am just as I was. Living. Breathing. _Solid_."

He stared at her as if she were a puzzle he couldn't solve, the anger finally seeping away. Then something caught his eye from the broken doorway.

"Ask Li to haul Noboyuki's body to the infirmary. I don't plan to dirty my hands with him again."

He tried to turn away from her, to disappear out of thin air, but she caught his arm. The contact heightened his need to flee.

"H-Hiiragizawa-kun, aren't you going to heal him? He doesn't look good. He's beaten up badly."

He tugged free from her hold and levelled her with a fierce stare. "He deserved it."

And he faded when she blinked.

* * *

><p>"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"<p>

Li Syaoran finally succeeded in cornering Eriol in the men's bathroom later that afternoon.

"What did you come here for?" the Chinese boy demanded, pushing him to the wall with much force. "Finally gotten tired of England and decided to wreak havoc here on a whim? Why the fuck couldn't you go somewhere else? Why does it have to be in Tomoeda? Why, Clow?"

Something snapped inside him, hearing that blasted name from the other boy's mouth. He pushed back harder and growled. "_Never _call me by that name, Li Xiaolang, if you ever want to see the light of day again."

Syaoran was baffled at the violent hostility he aroused in Clow's reincarnation.

"Do you think I want to be here?" he began, frustration catching on his tone. "Do you think I'd lay down everything—my life in England, Kaho, Nakuru and Spinel—just because I was bored and wanted to see something new in the scenery? I never wanted this. I fucking fought not to be here but she...she would have died if I didn't come here."

"Who—?"

Then Eriol rounded on him, eyes flashing. "If you had only paid attention, this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have left Kaho. I would still be back at my house in England. But you were too busy minding your own business, forgetting that the world doesn't revolve around you and your card mistress!"

It was Syaoran's turn to get angry. "Back the hell off, Hiiragizawa! Who do you think you are to judge me and Sakura? We keep the peace here! We make sure no harmful entity threatens this town!"

Eriol suddenly had the other boy by the collar. "Did you know that Daidouji is being bullied since the start of term? Did you know that that son-of-fucking-gun Nobuyuki from class 3-1 is spreading lies about her, fuelling his fan club's desire to eliminate her? Did you know that she doesn't eat lunch at all because she doesn't want you to see how bad things are for her? Do you even know _anything_?"

He felt Syaoran still under his tight grip. "Is that...is that what I saw this morning? We felt you—your aura was...dangerous. Sakura had to stay behind. She couldn't even stand straight. Your aura was choking her."

He withdrew his hold on Syaoran's collar and stepped back, his face turned away. He remembered her stricken face, how she anticipated for him to hurt her. It gnawed at him, guilt coiled around his stomach. "But you did haul Nobuyuki to the infirmary, didn't you? And had the common sense to fix the door while you're at it?"

"I would've thrown his body over the railings if I knew half of what you've told me," Syaoran muttered under his breath. He looked at Eriol with grudging respect in his eyes. "You saved her. You didn't have to. She's our responsibility, _my_ responsibility, but you saved her. Thank you."

He gave out a sharp retort. "There's nothing to thank."

"You've changed," Syaoran noted, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "You were never this hostile, this _angry_ when we were younger."

The unsaid question hung between them. _What happened to you?_

Silence ensued until he surprised Syaoran with a question that came out of the blue. "Do you believe in fate?"

Syaoran sneered. "Do I look like I have pigtails to you?"

"Do you believe that everything that's happened, is happening, and will still happen is predestined? That you don't have any choice in the matter? That you're just a pawn in some twisted man's game?" Eriol continued, ignoring the jibe Syaoran had made.

Syaoran looked at him, _really_ looked at him, and found a man trying to get the pieces of his sanity back together. "I believe that I own the choice on what happens to me and what doesn't. The lines are on my hands, not on anyone else's."

"Don't let anybody hear you say that," he warned, turning his back on Clow's descendant, deciding it's time to leave. "I tried to fight fate. And it brought me here."

* * *

><p><em>He's dreaming. He has to be. He couldn't remember buying a TV screen the size of Mt. Everest. <em>

_It was so huge. He felt it could devour him at any moment._

_The screen flickered and there were six faces that look like him but weren't actually him. _

_Three girls. And three boys. _

"_Dad," the tallest girl from the bunch called out to him. "Akira said the B word to me. I just told him to get off the phone because Tokyo U might be calling me already."_

_The tallest boy rolled his eyes, not taking the phone off his ear. "Don't believe a word she's saying, Dad. She just wants me off the phone so she can talk to her wuss of a boyfriend."_

"_SHUT UP!"_

_A younger boy stood between the siblings. "What are you fighting about again?"_

"_It's the phone!" the girl cried in frustration. "He's been at it for the last two hours! I need to use it now!"_

"_Didn't Mommy buy you a mobile last week?" asked the boy in confusion._

"_Hear, hear, Tama!" cheered the boy on the phone. "Stuff it, Nami. Tell your boyfriend to get a job so he can buy his damn mobile! That way I wouldn't have to compete with you every day!"_

"_Argh! Girls, attack Akira now! Get him off the phone this instant!" _

_Two bouncing small girls that look eerily alike went charging at the boy using the phone. One sat on his belly while the other tried to pull his hair. He sighed, placing the phone back to its place. "My darling twin sisters are under the spell of the bad and evil Nami."_

"_I taught them that girls are for girls. And that boys suck!" _

"_That's not true, Yuri," he told the first twin and turned to the other, "Yumi." _

"_But it's true, onii-chan," argued one of the twins. "Hiro-chan sucks on his milk bottle a lot. Eight times a day. Scary."_

"_A monster is living inside his tummy," added the other. _

_The older girl sputtered in disbelief. "That's not what I meant, you two!"_

_The little girls whined. "What did you mean?"_

_The two boys howled in laughter while the smallest one in the crib giggled, punching the air with his tiny fist._

_The screen faded to black. _

"_They are beautiful, aren't they?"_

_Startled, he turned to the source of the voice. And beside him was the woman that haunted his dreams._

"_You have resorted to illusions. You must be really desperate to keep me here."_

_He heard a soft sigh. "Where is here? In the dream? In Tomoeda? In the future? Because I'd keep you anywhere, Eriol."_

_He turned to study her, surprised she'd taken the liberty to call him by his given name. She isn't pale. She isn't colourless anymore. He looked like the girl in his class, the one he just saved from the bullies. Only different. She's not a girl anymore. She has lost the fats on her cheeks. And she's become taller, willowy. Her mouth is full. The girl is a woman._

"_Tell me, what magic do you possess? How were you able to conjure those illusions?"_

_She hummed a gentle lullaby before turning to him. "I hold the most dangerous power anyone can ever possess."_

_He held his breath, waiting for her answer. "What is it?"_

_She fixes him a warm smile, a smile he's sure Clow would have paid him millions to see. "The truth."_

* * *

><p>He stopped going to school.<p>

There was no point to it anymore. She's alive. He could go back to England now.

"You hold the truth, don't you?" he said to no one in particular, lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tossed a newly-conjured ball over his head. "But what is truth?"

The doorbell rang.

He sat up, confused at this unexpected visitor. Nobody knows where he lives. He rented a small unit on the outskirts of Tomoeda, far from Seijou. He wanted peace and quiet and the only way to do it is be far away from school and its population.

The bell rang again.

And again.

He yanked the door open and snarled at the pesky stranger. "What the hell do you want?"

The petite stranger squeaked in surprise. "A-Are you always this grumpy, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

_Great_, he thought to himself. _The truth lady arrives. _

"What are you doing here?" he grunted, pushing the door open to let her enter. "How did you know this place?"

"Y-You didn't go to school for a week," she answered simply. "I volunteered to give you your assignments and our teacher gave me your address. I also brought porridge, in case you're sick. But I already realized that you are not."

"How did you get here? I didn't see a car or anything."

She blushed and started fidgeting with her uniform. "I...I took the bus."

His eyes nearly bulged out of its sockets. "Alone? Are you out of your mind? Hasn't Li locked you up in a tower yet?"

"I told you I could have handled it on my own," she tried to argue but the way he looked at her made her feel small. "You shouldn't have told them. Now they feel guilty. And they wouldn't leave me alone. They'll flank me to my classes and even on breaks. And on date nights, they'd include me as well because they think they're neglecting me again."

His head started to pound. Five minutes with this girl and he's already had migraine. "Fine. You're an independent girl, you can do things on your own. I get it. Now, are we done? I want to be left alone. You can see yourself out."

He turned and started walking to his bedroom.

"C-Can I tell you the truth?"

He froze on his tracks. And after what seemed like a lifetime, he slowly turned to look at her.

She took a deep breath before continuing, her lower lip trembling. "You said I could've been killed. I believe you. During that time I felt like there was no way out. They outnumbered me. And the only way to escape is to jump off the railing. But what are the chances that I'll survive that kind of fall? And then you came. You saved me. And I never thanked you for that."

She let out an uncomfortable sound, something between a sob and a laugh. "You never gave me the chance. So I've cut classes and rode the bus to thank you for saving my life. I had to go to you because you wouldn't come anywhere near me."

She sniffled and wiped the tears with her hand. "We were friends once, don't you remember? We were not the best nor the closest but we were civil. What happened? Did I do anything that offended you? I haven't seen you in five years, Hiiragizawa-kun, and when you came back I thought I'd have a friend in a roomful of people that don't care whether my textbooks had death threats written on them. Why? Why do you act like you abhor me and then save me from them?"

He remained rooted to his spot, not knowing what to do or say.

"Aren't I pathetic? We're not even on a first-name basis and I demand you to be the friend I want, I need. I'm sorry."

"You're not pathetic," he finally spoke, quietly, grudgingly. "And you did nothing wrong. I'm just...I just... I'm not the person you used to know anymore. This is who I am now. I am bad-tempered, crabby, and tepid at best."

She smiled that familiar smile in his dream. "Oh, you are all of those things, Hiiragizawa-kun, except tepid. You are passionate. You are a loyal friend."

He tried to smile back but all he produced was a grimace.

Silence stretched between them.

He looked up at her and his breath hitched. From this angle he saw the vestiges of the woman she will become. "Do you... Do you know who I am?"

She looked at him patiently, amusedly, as if something was wrong with his head. "Aren't you Eriol Hiiragizawa-kun?"

His jaw clenched. "Do you know what I'm here for?"

The question startled her that she casted a wary glance on his face. "To attend the Japanese school system?"

His fists tightened on his sides. "Do you believe in fate?"

She was surprisingly unperturbed by the question that it disturbed him. "I believe in a lot of things, Hiiragizawa-kun. I believe that I met you because the heavens permitted us to meet. But I also believe that I had the decision to let you in and become my friend or just do the exact opposite. We live in a world full of choices, of opportunities. But the fact remains that I have to do what I think is right. As I have said I believe in a lot of things, Hiiragizawa-kun. But most of all I believe in my heart."

He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax.

She is right, the woman of his dreams. She wields the most dangerous weapon of all.

And he had nothing to protect himself against it.


End file.
